Pee-Wee’s magic word of the day

So today I added a word to my vocabulary. “Episiotomy.” What does it mean? It’s when a woman is giving birth and the baby doesn’t fit out, the doctors cut a larger hole down to your anus, in short, tearing you a new A.

Maybe I’ve led a sheltered life, but I’ve NEVER heard of this before, let alone that there’s a name for it. I’ve heard of some pretty horrific things about birth but never this. Today, some people were talking about it at work and I just listened in disgust.

Why would anyone want to put themselves thru this. God-forbid I ever fell on my head and suffered permanent amnesia and suddenly wanted a kid, I’d totally go in the C-section direction, ’cause it’s rhymey for one thing. But also because it’s pretty much predictable, you know how long approximately you’re delivering for as opposed to 12+ hours maybe of labor, less after effects, and now, no episiotomy.

I hear it’s 6 of one, half dozen of the other. Yes, with a C-section you have the pain of operation recovery and a huge cut across your stomach, but if chances are you get cut either way, I’d rather have the cut on my stomach where I can treat it easier than it being where the sun don’t shine and effecting my natural bodily functions. I also heard that when they rip your butt open, they don’t even give you a colostomy bag to do your business while you heal. You have to subject the incision to passing crap. Doesn’t that sound healthy? And then you have to deal with the hemerrhoids that normally come after natural child birth.

How ’bout no to all of that. After all, one has to keep one’s butt in tact incase one wants to become a spy someday.

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