Random rants on stuff.

Captain’s blog:

Whatever doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger.

I’m exhausted. But I’m reluctant to go to sleep as I have been having the most freakish dreams lately. They’re not even the kind where I wake up in a cold sweat all scared and stuff. They’re the kind I don’t recall until later in the day and then I freak out at the fact that I dream of these things. I wrote about last night’s series of oddities in my paper journal which I will copy onto here later on when I have more time ’cause it is pages long.

The other complaint I have is that ASL is driving me nuts. I’m at the point where I understand words like nouns and stuff like “cat” and “dog,” but stuff like prepositions and verbs all don’t make sense to me. My grammar is terrible. Some sentences you’re supposed to turn upside-down to make sense and yet others you’re not. I don’t know where the exceptions to the rules apply. There’s like one sign for a dozen different words and people manage to make a distinction between each one, but when I do it, I can’t seem to display that distinction. Rant rant rant yadda yadda yadda.

So I ranted to Melanie about all this tonight. I came to the same conclusion that I always do after ranting to myself. I can’t turn back now. I think even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. I’m in that stuck phase where my English sucks almost as much as my signing. I can’t comment in English anymore without flailing my hands and unconjugating my verbs. My WT library consists of tons of videos and DVDs now. My study habits are different.

Melanie said that when you join ASL, it’s like you’re a missionary except without the “glamour” if you wanna call it that, or should I say recognition. I told her I knew it was very much a commitment, and I knew when I started it there was really no turning back, at least for me anyway. That’s why it took me nearly two years to make up my mind to join. I really didn’t want the commitment.

The other thing she said was that you have to deal with getting somewhat less encouragement than in a normal hall. I never thought of that, but it’s true. You’re joining to encourage others. If you come into it hoping to be encouraged, then you’re gonna be disappointed.

It’s annoying because people have complaints and are leaving because of some of these things and I don’t really know what to say in return. My reasoning is just that I don’t want to kill myself learning something new just to quit.

So there’s my rant. I’m still in ASL, but other people may not be for long which is frustrating, but we’ll see what happens.

Animal Planet and the DNC

I had the most odd batch of dreams last night. I’m still waiting for them all to come together. I remember at one point I went to this reptile park that was somewhat like the Topsfield Fair. There was this one exhibit I had to crawl through. Or maybe the terrariums were so low I had to crawl. It was outside and raining and the things I was crawling around to see were baby sea turtles that were around an inch in diameter—about the size of a June bug. For some reason the doors kept swinging open and closed and turtles kept jumping out. I had to catch them and put them back in as the door swung open again. I noticed also that the tar-like mat I was crawling across had some turtles that were tarred over, so it got confusing when I had to find turtles to put back inside ’cause some were just turtles under the tar. Felt like live ones especially in the rain. I had to save the turtles jumping out so they wouldn’t suffer the same tarred fate.

After this (or maybe before) I had this dream that I was at a political convention. Understandable, seeing as the DNC is in town and that’s all people are talking about. In my dream, I don’t think it was a specific party’s convention; just a political convention in general.

It was weird because I was there but yet, I had like a TV Guide schedule of events and I had to see if I would be home in time to see certain things even though I was there the whole time anyway. I remember being upset that I wouldn’t be “home” to see Jimmy Carter’s speech at 2am. I remember thinking it was weird that almost all of John Edwards’ family members were each giving a speech of some sort but he himself wasn’t there and wouldn’t be participating. I was wishing they could switch spots with Carter so he could get the earlier slot at 10pm so I could watch him. I was wishing it were like an Animal Planet schedule where I could just catch the 4am showing.

Other parts of the dream involved CVS at the top floor of this two story building in South Boston. I think I was looking for this sort of face sponge that I never ended up getting. Somehow the turtles were involved in this. I think I had one in my pocket.

I never ended up getting my sponge. In my dream, I think I kept going back for it and forgot it each time. Each time I turned around, I think I was in a different CVS, but I always thought it was weird that CVS is on the 2nd floor. Weird. Different CVSs but not. In the end, never got the sponge. I actually woke up thinking, “I still have to get that sponge.” I never saw Carter’s speech either.

So, very unproductive dream. Then I woke up to be more unproductive. Maybe I’m not even awake. Mmf.

Good weekend in NY

Saturday I went to CT then NY. Last minute plans. Originally, we were doing 6 Flags, but on Fri we all saw on weather.com that the next day would be raining all day with thunder. We’d been to 6 Flags NE earlier this year and saw how paranoid they were after that fat guy died so we knew if it had so much as sprinkled, everything would’ve closed.

Paul made a suggestion to do NYC instead. I loved the idea. Sounded to me much better than 6 Flags. This might actually make up for my last horrible NY thing after the convention.

This isn’t going to be much of an entry since nothing really bad happened. Only bad thing was when Dave threw a spitball at Nicole at Jackson Hole. She was obviously mad at him and rightly so. The next day, he whined to her mom that she was giving him attitude. Loser. So someone invited him. Still unsure who. Bad idea to have him at a museum.

The group was Paul, Nicole, Kumal, Claudia, Dave , and I. Good to have the gang back together. Still sad that Kumal’s wife died, but nice to have him back chillin like before.

So this is what we did. Headed into NYC and very quickly I might add. No traffic, nothing. I still can’t get over how cheap parking is there. In Boston, there aren’t many parking lots anyway and then they’re like $30+/day at that. In NY they are everywhere. There are lots right next to each other. The one we were in at one point had a Saturday special of $7.61 for all day, and that was the more pricey of the ones we saw. I was amazed.

We went to Jackson Hole which was Paul’s main point of coming to NY. All good. I like the place. Giant burgers. Mine was small this time tho. I actually finished the whole thing. Nice thing about this place is that when you order a BBQ burger, they put BBQ sauce on it. Sounds obvious enough, but some places (Red Robin) don’t do that.

After this, we went to the Met cause it’s there. I’ve been dying to go to the MOMA but am always too lazy to trek out there to Queens. Can’t wait till it’s back where it belongs next year.

I am so disappointed in myself. I haven’t looked at or studied art in so long. This is the first time in over a year that I’ve been to a museum. I misidentified almost every modern piece I looked at with an exception of Pollock’s Autumn Rhythm and Rothko’s Number 13 which is hanging in my room anyway so doesn’t count. People asked me, “So what does this mean?” I’m like, “I don’t know.” Very, very disappointing. What has happened to me? I need to read more.

I learned that there’s an African tribe called the Bozos. Yay for that.

One thing that really struck me was this painting in the American gallery by Frederic Edwin Church. http://www.metmuseum.org/Works_of_Art/viewOnezoom.asp?dep=2&zoomFlag=1&viewmode=1&item=09%2E95 Thing is a big enough size and there is detail everywhere. Not just puffy brush strokes to make the tree textures. This guy painted every single leaf on every tree. I was just awe struck. I’m not even much of a realist and I was so in love with this painting that I could not stop looking at it. I can’t imagine how long it took him to do this.

After this, we headed out to Veniero’s for pastries and stuff. There was no parking around tho, so we just got stuff to go. I forgot how much I love that place. Every time I suggest to go, plans either change or something comes up.

This was all the perfect trip to NY. Cheap food and good art. All this, and we actually got home before 1am. Paul and I stayed up playing video games and then us old timers got tired and went to bed. Yay for afternoon meetings. Paul’s meeting was at 1. I got a rough night’s sleep, but sleep nonetheless. Odd dreams kept waking me up and then I’d freak out when I woke up and wondered where I was. Doesn’t happen often but happened a lot that night.

So there was my good NY day trip. More than made up for the horrible one that happened at the beginning of the month? I just have to know who to go with to make it fun. Next time we’ll just leave Dave home.

Mmf.

Yesterday, I went on the much anticipated interview. Incidentally, thank you Meg for suggesting that I bring my Middler Year paper. That’s the kind of thing they were looking for. Stupid, I think, because they never told me what they were looking for. They actually said to bring a 1-3 page whatever that they see to see how my writing style is. That, to me, meant just what they said. They wanted to see my style, not my grammar accuracy.

I came prepared though. I brought some LJ entries for style, my poetry book “For Me, Inspite of Me” for creativity and layout, my Middler Year paper for serious-content formal stuff, and my last #3 talk for variety (and hopefully service time).

I listed everything I brought and she chose to look at my Middler Year and poetry book. She loved the poetry book. WEEEE!! Then she told me that she was mainly looking for correct spelling and grammar. Aren’t there tests for that?

I made it a point to tell her that I went searching through my attic late last night for this stuff ’cause I wasn’t given the instructions to bring something until like 3pm the day before. Her response was, “Oh, your attic sounds much cleaner than mine.” Uh huh… No, the point was not to brag about my attic. Whatever.

Very informative interview tho. I’ve never been at an interview where I’ve talked so much. I didn’t prepare; just winged it. I’m not gonna act like someone I’m not, all formal and stuff.

She volunteered info on what I was up against, which was a first. There were like a million resumes received. Out of those, they picked a chunk to phone interview. (Good thing I answered my phone last week.) Out of the chunk of phone interviews, they picked six to come in. This is where I am now. She said next they’ll pick out 2 of the 6. I feel like I’m on some sort of sick reality show. Wait, that was redundant. I feel like I’m on some sort of reality show.

Here were some good things about the interview and the place. It’s pretty much the same as Linkage (where I am now). Same general thing with the coaching guides and what not, but at Novations (where I’m interviewing) they use Quark. Score a point there. She asked good questions. First time I was really asked to thoroughly explain the work I presented. Before I showed her my writings, I showed her the photo book I laid out to show design. If I hadn’t brought that as well as other printed things, I’d have been screwed as she had never looked at my website. mmf.

Here’s what bothered me about everything. I was like comfy, but not. I was trying to treat it like a conversation, but it felt like the whole time she was studying me. Yes, I know that’s what the interviewer is supposed to do, but I was trying to make it all fun (but not ridiculously fun) and she seemed to just watch and listen. I know what you’re thinking. Sarcastically, “Oh, God forbid she listen to you,” but really she was asking a question and I felt like I was goin on forever without any nods or “uh huh” or stuff. Maybe it’s just ’cause I’m used to the laid back convos at work now with people as crazy as me, but this was weird. It was a LONG interview, too. I feel like this woman knows my whole life story.

Among the things I covered were the workshops I taught and how I taught them, past/present clients, team projects, past/present jobs, etc. I know this all seems like the norm, but it seemed like I was pulling something my mother would do and ramble on and on with no goal to what I was saying. I hate when people do that and I felt myself doing it, but it was what she wanted I guess. For instance, once I covered a question about the Quark workshop I taught and she asked me more about it. She asked pretty much the same question worded differently, so I answered with the same answer worded differently. She didn’t look like she was bored or anything so that’s good.

Another example is she asked what I liked about something, like a past job, for instance. I told her. Then she said, “What else… what else… ” That’s what I mean.

Oh, it was funny when I dissed one of their books. She asked what I’d change, so I was honest. “Fix the kerning, change the font, What’s with the huge page number size?, What’s with the inconsistent leading?, stop stealing sheep!… Did you read that book?”

“No,” says she.

“Yeah… you should read it.”

By now I’m realizing that my foot is so far down my throat that it’s starting to come out my other end, but hey, she asked. The book was awful and I didn’t say half of what I could’ve. Oh, I remember. I started off asking if the font was loaded. She said, “Yes.” I said, “Looks otherwise.” There was this weird sans serif font all crammed together in some places and spread apart in other places, letters all messed up even in the same word.

I can’t lie. The reason they want a designer is to fix things like this. Quite frankly, it needed to just be trashed and started freshly. So we’ll see where I stand in a couple weeks. I think I’m gonna be hearing crickets instead of a phone ring. She said it’s gonna take a couple weeks for a possible 3rd interview, thanks again to the stupid DNC.

So I don’t know about this. It definitely wasn’t a bad interview; just weird. But then again, the Linkage interview was weird in that it was the shortest interview I’d ever been on and I got the job here, so who knows.

To be continued in a few weeks. In the meantime, I’ll rant about non-related things.

My current job

I’m so gonna miss this place when I go. The people here are sooo nice. The job itself kinda bites, but the people are awesome. They’ve been e-mailing me and visiting my office all morning to congratulate me and wish me the best on my interview coming up this afternoon, just overall being my cheerleaders for the day. YAY. It feels good. I actually think they’re more excited than I am.

The support is definitely giving me more confidence. I still don’t think I’ll get the job, but instead of saying, “I definitely won’t get it,” I’ve progressed to, “I probably won’t get it.” Good to have people seriously rooting for me tho since I’m usually the Charlie Brown of my groups.

HOOOOLLLLYYYYY CRRAAAAAPPPPP!!!!!

I have pushed the panic button. No, I’ve pounded on the panic button. I’m just getting an e-mail NOW from HR at this interview I’m going to TOMORROW saying that I have to bring a sample of my writing work. That’s not all. I have to bring something that I’ve both written myself and edited and laid out. I do NOT know of anything I’ve done all that to. There may be something, but as hard as I’m thinking now, I can’t think of what it is. I know of some things I’ve written and things I’ve laid out, but not two-in-one.

Oh my head, I’m so screwed. If anyone can think of anything off the top of their heads that I’ve made that I can’t remember, please let me know. 🙁

This is going to be a majorly stressful night.